Author: Yanna Noboa LICSW, CCPT| Child Therapy
As therapist we often recommend parents to spend time with their children – weekly play time, or doing an activity together as means to foster their relationship and connection. This is very important, especially for children that are having behavioral or emotional challenges. Often, when parents spend weekly one-to-one time with their child focusing on fostering and strengthening the relationship , their relationship improves and the child begins to act in more self-enhancing ways; which leads to a decrease in behavioral and emotional challenges. Often, I am asked what do I need to do with my child during our special time together? well the activity itself does not matter as much- but more so the messages that you are sending to your child nonverbally and verbally during your time with them. As therapist providing child-centered play therapy to children, one of the requirements is that we embody the “be with” attitudes. These are a set of attitudes and way of being with children that makes them feel unconditionally accepted, cared for, loved and value. As adults, when someone makes us feel this way, we feel support and confident in ourselves. This also happens when we provide children with the same support.
The “be with” attitudes are: I am here, I hear you. I understand. I care. and I delight in you.
This is a supportive and understanding ways in which we can interact with our children. It involves being present, listening empathetically, and offering comfort without judgment or trying to solve the problem immediately. It’s about creating a safe space for children to express their feelings and experiences while knowing that we are there for them unconditionally.
So how can you embody these attitudes?
I would say there are 6 ways you can do this.
- Active listening: when your child is frustrated or upset, you give them your full attention, maintain eye contact, and listen without interrupting or offering suggestions.
- Empathy: You acknowledge and empathize with your child’s emotion by saying “ You are upset, I understand why you are feeling this way. You didn’t get to play with your best-friend.”
- Physical Comfort: I am sure this is something you already do for your child, giving them a hug, holding their hand or simply just sitting close to them.
- Validation: You validate your child’s experiences and feelings by letting them know that it’s okay to feel the way they do “it’s normal to feel nervous on your first day of school”
- Non-judgmental attitude: You try to refrain from criticism or passing judgement. You simple create space where you accepting of your child unconditionally.
- Affection: You express your love and affection to your child through words, gestures, and actions often- even it’s in a quick “I love you bud!
I challenge you this week to practice being with your child by any of these ways. At first, you may feel out of sorts when trying this out which is normal. The more you practice this the more natural it will come for you. Remember, that when you focus on the relationship with your child, your child will reap the benefits in years to come.
If you are interested in learning more about how to enhance your relationship with your child, reach out to The Healing Nest Play Therapy Center for an initial consultation.
